Get ‘Em Dead Fast

The Magic the Gathering decks I will describe in today’s article are not highly sophisticated surgical knives that let you work with precision. They are blunt instruments, built to smash and destroy. They might not win a Pro Tour, but they will get your opponent Dead Fast™ (and if you’re really lucky, maybe these decks win you a PTQ). They are brews, and I think they are fun. I hope you get as much enjoyment out of playing them as I did while working on them!

Bloodrush

Let’s start with a variation on a casual deck that beat my teeth in during one of my previous adventures at our local FNM. My opponent started with a mana dork followed by a Flinthoof Boar. When I tapped out for the turn, my opponent Armed the walking piece of bacon, infused its blood with the rush of a rampage, and hit me for 16.

For what? FOR 16!

Dead Fast™ and on to the sideboard. Here’s my version of the deck:

[Deck title=Grimic Beatdown by Jay Lansdaal]
[Creatures]
4 Arbor Elf
4 Flinthoof Boar
4 Ghor-Clan Rampager
4 Invisible Stalker
4 Slaughterhorn
[/Creatures]
[Spells]
4 Armed // Dangerous
4 Flesh // Blood
2 Fling
1 Increasing Savagery
3 Rancor
3 Simic Charm
[/Spells]
[Lands]
4 Breeding Pool
3 Forest
3 Hinterland Harbor
4 Rootbound Crag
4 Steam Vents
4 Stomping Grounds
1 Sulfur Falls
[/Lands]
[/Deck]

This deck hinges on the two split cards, despite their not functioning as split cards in this deck. You basically only ever use Armed and Blood, both serving as a way to let one of your creatures deal its power in damage twice. Combine them with a bunch of pump spells and your opponent will be, well… Dead Fast™.

The original deck was straight red-green but was fairly prone to being blown out by spot removal, especially since both split cards are sorceries. Our great friend Invisible “Can’t Touch Me” Stalker helps a lot in that department, and so does one of the best pump spells in standard, Simic Charm. Besides being an extra Giant Growth effect, it can also give your pumped dude Hexproof in response to your opponent trying to two-for-one you. Despite its name starting with “Simic,” this spell screams “NO TRICKS, MAGE. GRUUL SMASH!” in this deck.

Bloodrush creatures are also a vital part to this deck. They help get you a critical mass of pump spells while making sure you always have a creature to pump. Ghor-Clan Rampager, specifically, is great because having trample goes a long way towards crashing in for a lot of damage.

The two Flings are double damage dealing cards nine and ten, and while they make you sacrifice your creature, they have the advantage of being an instant, so they can actually be cast in response to a removal spell. Also remember that the creature you sacrifice is part of the cost, so a removal spell can’t blow you out.

Rancor and Increasing Savagery are some sources of permanent enhancement, giving your deck more ways to fight removal and better equipment in longer, grindier games.

You can even create a budget version of this deck, but it involves going back to straight red-green:

[Deck title=danGeRously cheap by Jay Lansdaal]
[Creatures]
4 Arbor Elf
4 Flinthoof Boar
4 Ghor-Clan Rampager
2 Rubblebelt Maaka
4 Slaughterhorn
4 Strangleroot Geist
[/Creatures]
[Spells]
4 Armed // Dangerous
4 Flesh // Blood
2 Fling
3 Rancor
2 Ranger’s Guile
[/Spells]
[Lands]
11 Forest
8 Mountain
4 Rootbound Crag
[/Lands]
[/Deck]

Dropping blue lets you cut down on all the expensive lands, and if you want to go even more budget than this list, you can replace the Crags with Gruul Guildgates. The rest of the rares are about as cheap as most good uncommons.

Strangleroot Geist is the replacement for the invisible man, and while removal spells in response to your pump spells still suck, at least you’ll have a creature still around to try again next turn.

I’ve replaced the Simic Charms with some Ranger’s Guiles and some Rubblebelt Maakas, which combine to function like the most used modes on Simic Charm. Now let’s hope you draw the Guiles when you need hexproof and the Maakas when you need the Giant Growth effect…

Overload

Another dangerously cheap and dangerously fast deck is this one. While it’s not my own, the pilot moved a Gerry Thompson deck in a similar direction I was going. I’ve mainly linked to it so you can see how much the deck costs: less than 20 tickets if you own some Mountains already.

The idea is that you play as many creatures as you possibly can as quickly as you possibly can, and then kill your opponent by overloading Dynacharge or Weapon Surge. Weapon Surge only does half the damage a Dynacharge does, but the first strike it grants is useful against fast creature decks, which this deck struggles against otherwise. It runs out of steam reasonably quickly, and it cannot hope to win a topdeck war, ever.

This deck is great because it is full of bad draft commons (Foundry Street Denizen, anyone?), but is still filled to the brim with synergy and power. It overwhelms an opponent faster than just about any deck in standard.

Pump it up // Can’t block this

[deck]
[Creatures]
4 Avacyn’s Pilgrim
3 Boros Elite
4 Burning-Tree Emissary
4 Champion of Lambholt
4 Champion of the Parish
4 Hamlet Captain
4 Mayor of Avabruck
3 Slaughterhorn
4 Wild Beastmaster
[/Creatures]
[Spells]
3 Giant Growth
3 Rancor
[/Spells]
[Lands]
4 Cavern of Souls
4 Forest
4 Sacred Foundry
4 Sunpetal Grove
4 Temple Garden
[/Lands]
[/Deck]

Can you imagine having a Wild Beastmaster out alongside a Champion of Lambholt? Your opponent is simply going to die. Pump the Beastmaster, attack, the Beastmaster pumps the Champion, your opponent can’t block anymore… job well done.

Like Naya Blitz, this deck is fast and can win with Champion of the Parish draws just as easily as with its three-drops. Unlike Naya Blitz, this deck is only two colors (despite the Sacred Foundrys – those are only there to have Plains that cast Burning-Tree Emmissary). This, combined with not playing cards like Flinthoof Boar, makes the mana base a lot better.

What you are looking for while playing this deck are hands that can play an early Champion (of either variety), can play an early Wild Beastmaster, or has a great curve. Double and triple Burning-Tree Emissary hands with two lands are generally also keeps. You don’t mind hands with only Cavern of Souls for land, as your only spells cost a single Green and almost all your other lands can cast those.

Don’t be too afraid of one-landers if there’s a good reason to keep the hand otherwise. One land, double Burning-Tree Emissary, and a pump creature (Mayor of Avabruck or Hamlet Captain) is a definite keep. Triple Champion of the Parish with a Cavern is a definite keep. Avacyn’s Pilgrim, a Forest, and a bunch of creatures is a definite keep. No gamble, no future! If you start mulling the hands that need just one piece to be good, you’re not going to win as much as when you keep those hands. High risk, high reward is the name of the game with this deck (and with the decks above too).

Another thing you need to remember when playing this deck is to stack your triggers right. If both Hamlet Captain and Wild Beastmaster attack, put the Beastmaster trigger on the stack first so that it resolves last. That way, your Beastmaster will grow first and pump your entire team an extra +1/+1. Also remember you can respond to the Beastmaster trigger by bloodrushing a Slaughterhorn. Instant speed Overruns? Don’t mind if I do!

No sideboards?

The above decks are very much game-one decks. They can surprise an opponent, but they get worse when your opponent knows what’s up. Sadly enough, sideboarding doesn’t necessarily shore up this weakness, and in a lot of cases, sideboarding in these decks make them actively worse. These decks are very much all-in and need a lot of separate pieces to work. Taking those pieces out does not help.

If you intend to take these decks to an FNM, think of cards you absolutely cannot do without, and fill the rest of the sideboard with land (or Black Cats) so you don’t get tempted to go overboard. Bring some Skullcracks for that Maze’s End deck, some Legion Loyalists or Electrickerys for those Lingering Souls decks, etc. High impact cards are what you’re looking for; slight upgrades do more harm than good.

Or you could just do what Hall of Famer Frank Karsten did at a Dutch PTQ: don’t bring a sideboard at all, and just crush people regardless…