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McPlaneswalker’s Mailbag: If You Give Jace A Banning

Urza

Greetings, Minions!

I was very happy to have some additional questions this week. I would like to take a moment, just to clarify the most frequent question.

Yes Chandra’s carpet matches the drapes.

Kind of gives new meeting to the term “Burns When I Pee”

Ha! Ha!

I make myself laugh sometimes.

Back to the submissions, I even went so far as to recognize a few of the submissions.  Keep those questions coming, please!

How does it feel to see a fellow planeswalker banned from Standard?
@livewithfrank

At first, it was like Christmas and Kwanza got tipsy at a Hanukkah party and 9 months later a super-holiday was born.  Jace was really, really freaking miserable!  Seriously, you’d think he just watched Garruk hunt down his puppy.

But, now, Jace’s agent (the effervescent Mr. Chapin) has convinced him to spin it as an example of his awesomeness and power level.  He walks around with his nose in the air like he’s Tom Brady or something.  He called me up at 2 AM last night for this:

Jace: “Knock, knock.”
McPlaneswalker: “Damn it, Beleren! We have an early morning plane saving planned for six and if I don’t get my beauty sleep I will not be at my best.
Jace: ”The”
McPlaneswalker: “I swear, I will unearth volcanoes on your islands.”
Jace: “The only Planeswalker to ever be banned in Standard, that’s who!”
McPlaneswalker: “I WILL CUT YOU!”

He’s become insufferable.  And he can’t seem to get it through his thick skull that he was riding Stoneforge Mystic’s coattails on this banning.  If little miss Mystic hadn’t been using her man-hands to forge swords and a walking, talking, ass-kicking battering ram all over the format, Jace would have just gone down as the most expensive mythic in standard’s history.

Did you see that [Card]Grim Lavamancer[/Card] is being reprinted in M12?

At just after midnight on the morning of Wednesday June 22, 2011, a great ripping was heard across the land, as a sudden emergence did sunder my boxers in twain.  Yea, the sight of Grim Lavamancer did causeth much rejoicing.

Although what the hell Wizards!

There should be a new policy instituted that reprinted cards should keep their original bad ass look. I mean seriously, Grim looks like an old lady falling into a river of molten lava instead of the bad ass motherf*cker that guy is. Even Jace wouldn’t f*ck with that guy.

Plus his card is one of my favorites.  Ever.  He gives red decks versatility and reach, all at one mana.  He can slip in under the “Turn Two Counterspell Hegemony” and give control players fits.  Not only do I wholeheartedly support his reprint, I’m considering sending MaRo a pizza to show my appreciation.

Side Note: Remember the commentary last week about blue mages doucheing it up. Well with [Card]Mental Misstep[/Card] in standard you can beat blue mages will be back doucheing it up in no time flat, even with the fact that Jace, Memory Adept is a terrible card.

What’s worse; Traveling between planes or flying economy here on earth? Also, is there a TSA for planewalkers? If there is, what aren’t you allowed to take? Is stopping a
Cthulu-esque resurrection of gods business, travel or personal?

@thephoenix5

First, while I appreciate your enthusiasm please keep all questions under 140 characters. There is a reason Planeswalkers invented Twitter.

Now while flying economy on par if not worse than having your bowels perforated, ‘Walking the Blind Eternities is truly a b!tch.  It’s not all shimmery lights and wormhole sliding.  You usually end up feeling abused and dirty.  Ok, so it IS a lot like flying economy.

We do have a TSA that polices the aether (ironically, they call themselves the TSA too), and they are a pain in the ass.  EVERYTHING you carry is thoroughly scanned, catalogued, and irradiated.  They constantly bitch and moan about, “starting a global apocalypse” or “collapsing the evolutionary order” every time you want to pack an overnight bag. Every bag is opened, every orifice is probed.  This is why most ‘Walkers just travel in loincloths or robes, and we never just ‘Walk over to Kamigawa for some Teriyaki chicken.  Planeswalking is tedious business, and requires enough paperwork to make a Vogon weep.

Modern or Overextended?

Overextended, without a doubt. Giving me a new eternal format and new deck building criteria is like giving Ajani a saucer of milk and a stuffed Plague Rat.  I’ll accept Modern, but I’d prefer Overextended.  I’ve been following the results from Gavin Verhey’s Tuesday night MODO tournaments with much interest.  He has been doing an excellent job cataloguing the format on http://mtgoverextended.com/.  The format looks diverse, powerful, and incredibly fun… much like Legacy before the geniuses printed Mental Misstep and gave combo players the finger.

What’s your favorite Plane?

Of those that Wizards has made you aware of, you have to love Ravnica.  The place has the best shopping of any city this side of New York.  If you ever need to buy a goat at 3 AM  (you don’t need to know why) then you can’t go wrong with the City of Guilds.  I’ve recruited [Card]Nicol Bolas[/Card] to help plot a scheme to ensure Ravnica is revisited after Innistrad block but he keeps flipping over f*cking Archenemy cards so we just leave him in his corner.

If they were to print YOUR planeswalker card, what color would you be?

Ok, this is the one point Wizards has really missed with planeswalkers.  Let’s look at Jace.  He may specialize in mental magic, and he may spend the majority of his time sitting in a dingy on a bay, rod in hand, near a floating piece of dirt, but do you really think that someone with his ambition wouldn’t set aside part of his schedule to explore a mountain range or two and learn to cast a basic burn spell like Lightning Bolt?

Immortality has its privileges, and one those is having the time to learn whatever the hell you want to. Saying that Jace can only cast blue spells is like saying a Marine can only kill with their rifle.  Have you met a Marine?  Those bastards are damn good at killing with ANYTHING.

In truth, all planeswalkers encompass the full range of Magic’s colors.  We do gravitate to a favorite selection of spells and methods, but don’t think for a second that just because I usually dabble in fire and darkness, that I won’t strait up summon a Stoneforge Mystic on your ass if I think you need a Batterskull suppository.

All my bitching aside, if they were to truly print me, it would warp the format, ruin standard for two years (WOTC would never ban my card… if they know what’s good for them) and cause the Block format to collapse in on itself.  Players would openly weep when the see my glorious visage peeking at them from the back of the pack.  Foil copies of me would be tradable for sets of Power. And Medina would never be allowed to own a copy.

Today’s Interesting Fact from the Planes:

Being near immortal, Planeswalkers tend to varied and unusual hobbies.

Garruk has become a fantastic horticulturalist.

Liliana is the universe’s best Settlers of Catan player.

Gideon has this weird affinity for breeding rabbits.

And

Elspeth is a professional                                                                            .

Sometimes shit just gets crazy!

If you have any questions don’t hesitate to hit me up at mcplaneswalker_at_manadeprived_dot_com or on Twitter via @McPlaneswalker.

Although please stop with the questions about Planeswalker junk. I realize on earth you’re all down with nudist colonies but most Planeswalkers tend to avoid that particular planet.

Oops, I said too much.

Until Next Week,

McPlaneswalker Out.

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