Greetings, minions and fellow card floppers!
While scrounging for this week’s questions, I found more than a few that dealt with trading. Trading is such an integral part of the Magic: The Gathering experience, that it was only a matter of time before someone asked me for the correct opinion on the subject.
What do you think of “value traders”? – Anonymous, for fear of Medina’s Legions
Value traders are a blight upon the land. They are the result of lawyers and accountants practicing taboo forms of breeding for generations. Every time I witness such people “plying their trade” I want to make all their cards spontaneously combust and turn them into a whimpering fool, who will jump on their pile of cards, immolating themselves in the process and be forced to endure millennia of despair.
Just kidding!
People that get up in arms over value traders are funny. The whole point of trading is to get what you want. You give, I give, we both walk away happier. If a value trader ends up with a + in the $ column, why do you give a shit? You acquired your 40th Relentless Rat, just like you wanted to.
Besides, TRADING IS OPTIONAL! It’s not like you’re tied over a table with a ballgag in your mouth while Jonathan Medina saunters in wearing his favorite gimp suit and lovingly whispers in your ear, “The safeword is ‘Legit’.” You are trading of your own volition. If you don’t want to trade your [card]Tarmogoyf[/card] for a foil [card]Chimney Imp[/card] and a playset of Magic beans, then don’t. If you ever decide to take off your diaper and wade in the big boy waters, then don’t bitch when a shark starts nibbling on your extremities.
Speaking of Medina and his gimp suit, I don’t see how anyone can hate on the guy. He has repeatedly expressed that he will try to get value out of his trades. At this point, his stance (and he himself) is widely enough known that if you get taken for $5-$10 in a trade with him, it’s totally your fault. Someone needs to photshop his face into the “Have you seen this Wizard?” poster from the Prisoner of Azkaban and post it at all Magic events, just so we can end the witch hunt.
And ignorance of card value is not an excuse (unless you’re a child, beeble, goblin, or actually ignorant). You should know the value of every card in your binder, or it shouldn’t be in your binder.
What kind of decks do you prefer to play? Do you have any good decks for the current standard format? – Terry Ghompson
Johnny McPlaneswalker will always have a list for those that want to have fun and/or blow stuff up:
[Deck Title=Johnny McPlaneswalker – Archives of Burning Rage]
[Lands]
2 Buried Ruin
6 Island
7 Mountain
4 Scalding Tarn
[/Lands][Creatures]
2 Grim Lavamancer
4 Jace’s Archivist
4 Riddlesmith
4 Slag Fiend
2 Vulshok Replica
[/Creatures][Artifacts]
4 Flight Spellbomb
3 Mox Opal
4 Panic Spellbomb
4 Shrine of Burning Rage
4 Swiftfoot Boots
[/Artifacts][Spells]
2 Postmortem Lunge
4 Scrapyard Salvo
[/Spells][/Deck]
Now, you might not see this deck in Gerry T’s dirty monkey paws at the next SCG open, but it is a lot of fun to play, and has some explosive turns. There’s nothing like playing a 8/8 [Card]Slag Fiend[/Card], suiting it up in a pair of [Card]Swiftfoot Boots[/Card] and giving it flying.
The object of the deck is simple. Get Artifacts in the graveyard, make a huge [Card]Slag Fiend[/Card] or potent [Card]Scrapyard Salvo[/Card], and unleash hell on your opponent. And, after testing red decks for the last three weeks, at least this one shouldn’t lose to [Card]Timely Reinforcements[/Card] on turn 3.
This deck makes excellent use of [Card]Jace’s Archivist[/Card], and slapping a pair of Boots on him makes for a potent engine. I usually get the dry heaves and outdoor trots when playing blue, but so long as I stay away from counterspells, I don’t break out in hives. Usually. Hopefully.
If you take this deck out for a spin at your local FNM, or on MTGO, send me a picture or screenshot and I will try to get it posted in one of my mailbags. Provided Taskmaster KYT will allow it, of course. KYT rules Mana Deprived with an iron fist, ready to swiftly destroy any dissension. Many a writer has been marched off into the dark Canadian north by KYT, never to be seen again.
Sometimes, I wonder if he was trained by [Card]Nicol Bolas[/Card].
What’s the best drink in the Multiverse? Also is there really a Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blaster on any plane? – thephoenix5
The best drink in the multiverse is made in a utopian plane on the other side of Serra’s Realm. The drink itself is only “above-average”, in taste and will not leave you intoxicated at all. But it is served in the belly button of one of the famed “Love-Making-Virgins” of the Outer Planes, and the packaging more than makes up for the drink itself. One sip and your mind deteriorates and imagines it has been on a 16 hour sexual bender. You go all weak and usually wind up in the floor.
Basically, it’s like a distilled tantric sex session, without the time commitment, and you don’t need to wash the sheets afterwards.
And yes, the Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blaster is a drink on several planes, though many consider it more of an “assisted suicide” than “recreational beverage.” Johnny McPlaneswalker sampled the drink once in his youth. I don’t remember much about the following year, but I do have enough scars to remind me that sometimes the “myth” lives up to the hype.
FYI: Douglas Adams is a planeswalker. He faked his death on earth so he could return to the planes to battle all manner of big bad nasties. We are all permitted to sleep a little safer on his watch.
A McPlaneswalker Recommends:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.
This film is a fitting end to the most impressive series in Hollywood history. I have quite a few problems with the ending, but everything the leads up to it is fantastic. I could imagine worse things than stumbling into a plane the likes of Hogwarts.
Wizards take note. I would love to see a Magic movie trilogy, and I think it could be successful if done properly. There is definitely an audience out there for good genre films/television (look at how well Game of Thrones is doing). Spend the money and hire a good writer to turn the Brother’s War or Tempest block into a film.
Today’s Interesting Fact from the Planes:
Quilted toilet paper is a wonderful invention, one that many planes have not mastered. With such a lack of derriere doilies, the first summon spell many mischievous planeswalkers master is the [Card]Cyclopean Mummy[/Card].
That’s it for another week’s mailbag! Keep those questions coming! Encourage your friends, neighbors, and loved ones to follow me on twitter. Again, when I reach 100 followers, one lucky individual will receive a free, SIGNED (by me) [Card]Mudhole[/Card]!
If you have any questions, I can be summoned at McPlaneswalker@gmail.com or @McPlaneswalker on twitter.